Monday, November 8, 2010

My Stepmother, JoAnn

JoAnn
I lost my stepmother yesterday.  There will be many words spoken during these coming days about Joann, about what a wonderful wife, mother, stepmother, grandmother, great-grandmother, and friend she was.  I want to write about JoAnn here, since that's my preferred way of expressing myself.   Some might say that's my gift, although I'm not certain about that.

One thing that I am certain about is that JoAnn was gifted and did express herself through her gifts.   She would probably laugh at me saying she was gifted, but that was because she was also modest.  Her gifts came to us simply by knowing her and being around her, and they will last much longer than she could have ever imagined.

She had and expressed the gift of love.  I don't believe that there was one of us in our large family that didn't benefit from her love in some way.  She had a way of letting you know that you mattered to her, and that you were an important part of the family and her life.

She had the gift of listening.  In a one-to-one conversation, she listened more than she talked.  She focused on you and you could feel her interest and her empathy.  Expressing her own opinion was not as important to her as hearing yours. 

She had the gift of enjoying and appreciating life.  She enjoyed many friendships, two of whom were planning an overnight visit with her this week.  She was looking forward to spending time with them.  Her youngest great-grandchild, Georgia Beth, was a visitor to her bedside in the hospital.  Her words to Georgia Beth, as she caressed her little face, were, "I would like to see you grow up."

She had the gift of strength.  JoAnn might have appeared frail, but she impressed and amazed me at her determination to continue to do as much as possible for herself and my dad.  Her strength of character drove her forward as her body's strength diminished.

She had the gift of graciousness and hospitality.  I think that she learned good manners at her mother's knee, and she demonstrated it to the very end of her life.  We marveled at her sweet smiles and hello to each of us during the hours that she was occupied with the very hard and painful work of dying.  She wanted us each to know that she treasured the time she had spent with us.

She had a gift for teaching.  Again, she would probably deny that she was a teacher, but I believe that the best instruction comes by example.  Her example will stay with me for the rest of my life and if anybody were to say that I was loving, a good listener, enjoyed life, gracious, hospitable, strong, or a good example, I'd say "I learned that from my stepmother, JoAnn."

My mother, Jeffie Jean, died at 55 and we loved her and missed her greatly.  After a time,  I joined the rest of the family in welcoming JoAnn to our family.  She had known my dad since they attended a little country school together, although he was several years older than she.  To me, she was the nice lady who worked in the office of James Kahn's Department Store, and later a good friend and neighbor to both of my parents.  We all celebrated Dad's and JoAnn's marriage because we wanted our dad to be happy.  We didn't know it at the time, but our family needed JoAnn.  She proved that to us over the years that we had her and I am grateful that she was willing to move to from Missouri to Oklahoma and thankful to her son and grandchildren for sharing her with us.

I will truly miss my stepmother, JoAnn.

Annie

4 comments:

jenclair said...

I'm sorry for your loss, but what a lovely tribute you've written.

BECKY said...

Very beautiful. I would've liked to have known your step-mom, too.
My oldest sister passed away many years ago and her name was Jo Ann. She, too, was a wonderful person. Must be something in the name, I guess! :)
You're in my thoughts and heart.

Mollianne Massey said...

I am so sorry for your loss. I remember JoAnn helping me pick out an outfit at James Kahn's and treating me as if I were a most important customer, even though I was just a teenager. Your whole family is in my prayers as you mourn your loss and celebrate her life.

Nan said...

I am so very sorry, Annie Joy. You have written a beautiful tribute. I especially liked: "Expressing her own opinion was not as important to her as hearing yours." This is very rare indeed. She sounds like such a wonderful person.

LinkWithin

Related Posts with Thumbnails

Recently Read Fiction Favorites

  • A Northern Light by Jennifer Donnelly
  • A Reliable Wife by Robert Goolrick
  • Alice I Have Been by Melanie Benjamin
  • Between, Georgia by Joshilyn Jackson
  • Bridge of Sighs by Richard Russo
  • Broken for You by Stephanie Kallos
  • Confessions of a Former Rock Queen by Kirk Bjornsgaard
  • Every Last One by Anna Quindlen
  • Faithful Place by Tana French
  • Fly Away Home by Jennifer Weiner
  • Freedom by Jonathan Franzen
  • Gods in Alabama by Joshilyn Jackson
  • Home Safe by Elizabeth Berg
  • Homer and Langley by E.L. Doctorow
  • Innocent by Scott Turow
  • My Name is Mary Sutter by Robin Oliveira
  • Noah's Compass by Anne Tyler
  • Olive Kitteridge by Elizabeth Strout
  • Private Life by Jane Smiley
  • Remarkable Creatures by Tracy Chevalier
  • Roses by Leila Meacham
  • Sing Them Home by Stephanie Kallos
  • So Much For That by Lionel Shriver
  • South of Broad by Pat Conroy
  • That Old Cape Magic by Richard Russo
  • The Children's Book by A.S. Byatt
  • The Girl Who Kicked the Hornet's Nest by Steig Larsson
  • The Girl Who Stopped Swimming by Joshilyn Jackson
  • The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo by Steig Larsson
  • The Given Day by Dennis Lehane
  • The Good Daughters by Joyce Maynard
  • The Help by Kathryn Stockett
  • The Last Time I Saw You by Elizabeth Berg
  • The Lonely Polygamist by Brady Udall
  • The Murderer's Daughters by Randy Susan Meyers
  • The Particular Sadness of Lemon Cake by Aimee Bender
  • The Sky Took Him by Donis Casey
  • The Slap by Christos Tsiolkas
  • The Story of Edgar Sawtelle by David Wroblewski
  • The Swimming Pool by Holly LeCraw
  • The Thousand Autumns of Jacob de Zoet by David Mitchell
  • The Wind Comes Sweeping by Marcia Preston
  • Where the God of Love Hangs Out by Amy Bloom
  • Wolf Hall by Hillary Mandel
  • World Without End by Ken Follett
  • Year of Wonders: A Novel of the Plague by Geraldine Brooks

Favorite Nonfiction and Memoir

  • All Over but the Shoutin' by Rick Bragg
  • Animal, Vegetable, Miracle: A Year of Food Life by Barbara Kingsolver
  • Bird by Bird: Some Instructions on Writing and Life by Anne Lamott
  • Book Lust: Recommended Reading for Every Mood, Moment and Reason by Nancy Pearl
  • Getting Over Getting Older by Lettie Cottin Pogrebin
  • Mere Christianity by C.S. Lewis
  • Nickel and Dimed: On (Not) Getting by in America by Barbara Ehrenreich
  • Sharing the Journey: Women Reflecting on Life's Passages by Katherine Ball Ross
  • Stuff: Compulsive Hoarding and the Meaning of Things by Randy O. Frost
  • The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen R. Covey
  • The Artist's Way: A Spiritual Path to Higher Creativity by Julia Cameron
  • The Autobiography of Benjamin Franklin by Benjamin Franklin
  • The Children's Blizzard by David Laskin
  • The Emperor of all Maladies: A Biography of Cancer by Siddhartha Mukherjee
  • The Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom by Miguel Ruiz
  • The Tipping Point by Malcolm Gladwell
  • The Worst Hard Time: The Untold Story of Those Who Survived the Great American Dustbowl by Timothy Egan